A couple of days back a lady in my neighbourhood was groaning about her recently retired husband, who demanded constant attention and subservience from her. She was telling me that her husband is eating her brain & sanity. I feel like tossing him out of the window.
This kind of thoughts in wives along with physical symptoms like rashes, ulcers, irritability points to a modern syndrome- “Retired husbands syndrome”.
There are many women who are grappling with this issue of increased presence and increased dominance of their recently retired husbands.
JAPANESE DOCTORS
Japanese doctors first described the syndrome when wives started showing symptoms of stress. These symptoms appeared after they were forced to deal with their retired husbands. The husbands were very unreasonable in demands and sought constant attention.
Some men will be prepared for their retired lives. Their presence in the house will not negatively affect the wife. Yet, some men will be ill-prepared.
For post-retirement leisure, they become more demanding, more bossy and less co-operative. They become sedentary, listless and non-agile. They start nit-picking and become intolerant. Usually a woman can handle multi-tasking with ease. But, when the retired husband of the house seeks attention excessively, he may act like a child at times. Sometimes he may behave like a boss, or become a desperate dependent. She may collapse under the burden. This may lead to psychological and physiological symptoms.
STRESS OR RELAXATION
Post-retirement period is meant for relaxation. Nonetheless, it can also cause stress for the couple if they are not prepared for such a scenario. This period is usually called the “final chapter” of life. Medical advancements have increased human longevity. As a result, couples are spending significant time together, into their eighties or nineties. Couples should discuss their dreams, personal expectations, goals, and interests openly. They also need to talk about emotional and sexual issues to avoid future conflicts. This is essential to lead a mutually satisfying life. This conversation becomes especially crucial if they are dealing with a retired husband who is struggling to adjust.
Husbands after retirement should remain active by taking up fulfilling activities like sports, writing, music or voluntary work. They can offer strong support to their wives. The wives may still be working. They balance home and office work with equal efficiency. Similarly, retired husbands can engage in productive hobbies to avoid becoming overbearing.
(Dr. Naresh Purohit is Advisor- National Mental Health Programme. The views and opinion expressed in this article are those of the author)
